A Reason For Living
by morbid-cid
Summary: Sunny day at the lake with two best friends. Memories of loss and the search for identity. Wrapped up with a secret desire and a kiss.  NaruSasu


_**Authors Notes: **_

_This is a practice fic. I've never written a fan fiction before, and decided that it might be good practice for my novel. Don't laugh… I'm really bent on becoming a writer. To do that, however, I need to improve my skills and stretch out my imagination. However … due to my restless excitement to hurry this along, I sort of muddled this first chapter. Please tell me what you think. If you hate it, tell me what you hate about it. If you like it, I'll finish it. Here is the basic idea I'm going on:_

_This story will take place five years after the Sound four came to Konoha to retrieve Uchiha Sasuke. However, Sasuke learns that someone else had killed his brother, Itachi, and the boy was left feeling robbed of purpose. His life became meaningless and he had no one on which to take out his revenge. With his lust for revenge gone, all that remained was a cavity where no new dreams or goals sprouted. The hatred had charred his soul and nothing new could grow. The people who once admired him and held for him such high expectations gradually looked away. They used to see the Uchiha heir, the last of the noble tribe and an outstanding ninja, as someone with great potential. Now all they saw was a boy filled with regrets. A lost cause._

_Sasuke's entire soul was put into his hate and when the source of that emotion was eliminated, there was nothing left. His being had been hollowed out. His life meant nothing and all he had sought to accomplish crumbled down on him and crushed the last of what he was. _

"_Today, I was thrown away. I have no purpose left. I was an avenger, and now... I am nothing." _

_He left the village, but not to find Orochimaru. Sasuke no longer cared for the power that man offered. Now he was determined to find his own path and discover what this world has in store for him. _

_This is a story of friendship and a search for identity._

Commence Chapter One

---------------------------------------------------------

It was a beautifully clear day in the village of Konoha, when two friends made a date to go swimming. A few scattered clouds lazed above in the azure sky and the sun stared down at its own reflection on the lake's crystal surface. Leaves, caught in the warm summer wind, took flight from the tree tops to resettle themselves gracefully over the water. A girl sitting on the eastern shores dock smiled at the tranquil scene.

Haruno Sakura, an eighteen year old ninja of the hidden Leaf village, dipped her feet into the cool lake, watching as the ripples spread and ran over each other. It had been months since she had the opportunity to hang out with her old friend and teammate. She missed the days when they would travel together on their missions. They used to have so much fun. Then she became a medical ninja and started accepting different missions, while her friend teamed up with Neji and Shikamaru.

So much had changed since the old days. Sakura had grown her pink hair out long again, and gained quite a few inches in height. She even moved out from her parent's house and into an apartment with her good friend, Ino. Naruto had grown incredibly, no longer the four-foot-nine light weight she remembered from the early days of team seven. His shaggy blond hair was still as wild as ever, but his face had matured. The chin line slightly wider, giving his boyish features a more masculine appearance. One thing that definitely didn't change about the boy was his over-active attitude. His stamina overshadowed all his other traits.

"Sakura-chan! Watch out, here I come!" The very trait which dominated him rang out in his playful threat.

Her smile broadened, but Sakura didn't look up.

"Prepare to abandon ship!" Naruto was right behind her now, arms outstretched to push her into the lake. In one seemingly effortless movement, Sakura leaned to the side and stuck out her leg.

End result: A splash that reached the heavens, and one thoroughly soaked blonde.

Naruto resurfaced with a glare that could scare a mountain into hiding. "That wasn't very nice." He spluttered.

"Well I've never been accused of being _nice._" Sakura laughed, back comfortably in her original seating place as though nothing had happened.

Naruto's smile reached his ears and he climbed back onto the dock. "Aw, don't say that." He had had his towel wrapped around his waist when he was dunked. Now he lay the soaking mass of material on an unoccupied area of the dock to dry before seating himself beside the girl. "Everyone knows that you're an absolute sweetheart."

He waited for her to blush before adding the punch line. "You know, behind that horribly twisted sense of humor of yours."

"Move over, you're getting me wet!" She pushed the boy and he landed back on his elbows. His bathing suit was steadily dripping all over the dock.

"You just wanted an excuse to hit me. We're at a lake, Sakura." He nudged closer. "You're supposed to get wet."

_Splash!_

Naruto poked his head out of the lake for the second time that afternoon. This time his face bore a look of grudging acceptance. This was Sakura … piss her off and you get a beating.

"Fine, I get it." Naruto climbed back onto the dock. "Girls go to the lake to sunbathe, not swim." He started to tip-toe around her, acting girlish. "Oh! Don't touch the water! Might get wrinkly."

Sakura made a fist and raised an eye brow. Naruto smiled again and plopped down beside her, this time with a reasonable distance between them.

"You know what I was thinking about before?" Sakura changed the subject, a distant look coming over her.

"Before …"

"Before you maliciously attacked me."

"Ah, okay." Naruto nodded, remembering his failed attempt at pushing Sakura into the lake. "No, what were you thinking?"

"I was thinking about the old days. When we-"

"It's funny how you call it the _'old days'. _Because I seem to remember being _young _back then, don't you?"

"Don't interrupt me." Sakura pouted.

"Sorry, what were you thinking?"

She gave him a stern look and shook her head before continuing. "I was thinking about when we were team seven, saving the wave country and fighting to become chuunins." Her eyes went soft. "Then I started wondering what Sas-"

Naruto groaned. "Augh, Sakura-chan…"

"-uke is doing these days and where he is."

"Are you trying to make me cry?" Naruto grabbed his heart in a little too dramatically.

"Don't be so over-emotional." She poked him in the ribs playfully. But Naruto wasn't playing.

"Hey," he swatted her hand away. "The only reason you can chat about him so casually is because it no longer hurts you that he's gone."

"Just because I got over my stupid teenage obsession years ago, doesn't mean I don't still care about him." She retorted mater-of-factly.

"Yeah," Naruto nodded sarcastically. "You gave up on Sasuke as quick as everyone else."

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Flash back to the hospital, a little less than four years ago.**

Early morning sunshine laid window shaped patterns over the floor and the single bed. The scene was exactly how Naruto remembered it upon entering the hospital room countless times before. A beautiful sunrise came through the thin white curtains, and a miserable, sullen boy sat up in bed, staring at the walls. These visits were frustrating, yet Naruto came every time Sasuke was re-admitted.

Upon each visit, Sasuke remained silent as his talkative teammate rambled on about seemingly mundane events. He'd talk of his missions, how Sakura was learning under Old Lady Tsunade, and sometimes even complain about the perverted old hermit. He'd talk about anything that would give Sasuke something to think about other than how worthless his life is. And if there was one thing Naruto was good at, talking was it. Sasuke never told him to shut up or leave, but he never made any response to show he was listening either.

Over a year ago four ninja's following the command of Orochimaru came to collect Sasuke. Unfortunately for them, Kakashi had overheard their plan and intercepted. Instead of convincing Sasuke to come into power, and speed up the process of his dark seal, they were made to divulge other information. This news sent Sasuke, the last of the Uchiha's, into an uncontrollable rage.

The following months provided nothing to calm the boy. He began acting carelessly during missions, and ended up doing something really reckless which got him kicked off the team. He was considered a threat to the missions and was told to go home until he could straighten his head. That was followed by a year of depression and solitude accompanied by five attempted suicides. The people who once admired him and held for him such high expectations gradually looked away. They used to see the Uchiha heir, the last of the noble tribe and an outstanding ninja, as someone with great potential. Now all they saw was a self centered boy filled with regrets. A lost cause.

Naruto had never been the type to give up on people, but this was getting to be too much. On this particular visit he didn't have much to say. He came in to the hospital room, finding his friend exactly the way he was on so many other occasions, and didn't open his mouth.

_Maybe everyone is right. _He had thought darkly.

After a long moment of staring at the lifeless Sasuke, Naruto spoke. "So… still can't keep away from the knives, eh?"

Silence.

Naruto took a deep breath. "Everyday, the same thing. If you don't start talking you're bound to be committed here for life."

Still no answer.

"You know," he tried again. "Most people would've given up by now, broke down and begged for a hug, but not you! You're a hard ass."

The boy didn't even twitch.

Naruto took part in the silence again before breaking into an extremely forced grin. "You're going to get through this, Sasuke. You don't die so easily."

Then he turned away and left. Had he looked back he would've seen Sasuke hang his head, the shadows covering the look of utter loss.

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------- **

"Okaaay …" Sakura looked at Naruto, a little unsure what he was getting at. "I wasn't _there_, but if you say that's what happened-."

Naruto pushed a finger at Sakura's forehead. "Now who's interrupting?"

"Sorry." She waved an impatient hand. "Go on, if you have a point to make.

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Hospital flashback continued…**

After walking a short distance a familiar voice met Naruto's ears. He stopped in his tracks when he realized what the conversation was about. The voices were coming from around the corner, and he strained to listen in. They were talking about Sasuke!

"You think he's still in there?" It was Ino's voice.

"I don't even keep track anymore." The second was definitely Sakura.

"You and everyone else." The first muttered. "But why not? I thought you really cared about him."

"I do _care, _but if he really wanted to die he would've done it _right_ by now!" Came the heated response. "He's just looking for attention and no one is going to give it to him."

Naruto couldn't listen to this anymore. For one, he didn't like to eavesdrop, but mainly he couldn't let the two go on about his friend like that. Frankly, he didn't care what Ino thought, but could Sakura really be saying those things? Stepping out from around the corner he confronted his teammate."Do you even hear yourself? Are you really just going to give up on Sasuke!?"

Sakura turned. "Naruto ...?" He had begun to speak before she even realized he was there. How long he had been listening, she didn't know.

Naruto didn't let the other speak, continuing his rant loudly. "That's why you never visit. How can you be so cold hearted? You treat him like he's a lost cause!"

Sakura rose up defiantly and yelled back. "He **is** a lost cause! He doesn't want anyone's help, not yours or mine! No one is going to make him snap out of this, Naruto, he has to do it on his own!"

Ino looked uncomfortable with all the yelling, and stared between the two as painful silence took over.

"You're wrong." These were Naruto's last words as he turned on his heel and ran back to the hospital.

Back in Sasuke's room, the boy makes his first facial expression in months which isn't depressed boredom. Shock flooded his features as a frantic Naruto rushed in. With a determined scowl, Naruto passed his friend by without a word and wrenched open the window. Then he gathered Sasuke's clothes, put one of the bewildered boys arms around his neck and out they went. Sasuke's room was on the third floor, but Naruto didn't hesitate when he jumped.

Hitting the ground softly with ninja expertise, Naruto took off running, carrying Sasuke the entire way.

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------**

The memory ended with Naruto narrowing his eyes in accusation at a guilty looking Sakura. She quickly replaced the expression for one of detached interest. "We were both right in a way." She mused, having been told this story before and remembering the changes in Sasuke after that day. "You thought he needed a friend to pull him out of his black mood, and as it turned out, he actually responded. At least he didn't try to kill himself again."

Naruto nodded as though that were the end of it. He was right.

"But…" she continued. "In the end, I was right. He left. He needed to find his life's worth on his own."

A heavy silence fell between the two that seemed to last hours. The two sat side by side on the sun-warmed dock and stared out over the lake.

"I still think he's coming back someday." Naruto broke the silence with a whisper. It seemed to softly ferry across the lake without disturbing the glassy surface.

"It's been three years since he took off." Came the gentle reply.

"I know… but…"

Sakura shook her head, pink feather-like strands scattering around her shoulders. "You need to get over him. Hell, even I did!" She nudged his shoulder teasingly with her own. "Just like you finally got over me."

For reasons Sakura could only guess, Naruto stopped trying to get her to go out with him shortly after Sasuke stopped coming on missions. They had talked about it once and he had said he just grew out of his childish crush. Since then they became like family. That was four and a half years ago. What Sakura never knew, though –and Naruto still would never tell her for fear of dying of embarrassment- was that all those years she had thought Naruto had a crush on her, it had been a cover up to keep Sasuke from realizing how Naruto really felt for him. She had even said it herself: '_Naruto has become accustomed to interfering with her love._' Why? Because he couldn't stand the thought of her being with _his _Sasuke. Even to this day, he kept that a secret.

Naruto was suspicious "What are you saying? You think I have a crush on Sasuke?" A slight panic came over him, _this isn't good._

Sakura laughed. "If I didn't know you better, I'd say you were head over heals for him."

Naruto made a move to push her into the lake. Friend or no, her beauty wasn't as important as him saving face.

"But I do know better." She let her head fall back, and closed her eyes as the sun washed over her face.

"Oh." Naruto blinked. _That was close._ "Good."

Sakura opened one eye at him and smiled devilishly. "Then again, you tend to surprise even me once in a while."

Naruto's response was wringing his wet towel over her and soaking that pretty face.

In a flash Sakura got to her feet and knocked Naruto back hard, but this time he caught onto her wrists and brought her down with him.

Almost an hour went by as they splashed and play fought in the water. It ended with Sakura catching the boy in a head lock, and Naruto crying for a truce.

The two headed back to the dock, both breathing hard. The evening was growing darker and the air carried a chill. Sakura shared her towel with Naruto, and the two huddled close, watching the skyline deepen.

"This was really fun." Sakura leaned against her friend, watching the sun sink from view. "I've got to get going, though. I think I'm already late."

"Eh? Going on a date?" He shook his wet mane and looked over at her inquiringly.

She blocked the spitfire of water droplets with her half of the towel. "Something like that." Sakura had gone out with a number of different boys in the last few years. When she gave up on Sasuke she found out what it was like to chase after someone who actually liked her back.

"Who's the lucky loser this time?" He grinned.

"It's none of your business, Naruto" Sakura stood and pulled the towel off him. She tried not to blush, it would only make him more curious.

He noticed, and seemed to think about it for a moment before laying on a guilt trip. "Ah ... Sakura-chan." he pouted. "I thought we were friends."

She replied with a kiss on his cheek and said. "Uzumaki Naruto. You are my best friend."

Naruto stayed at the lake for a while after Sakura had gone. He swam a couple laps before returning to the dock to find his towel was finally dry. This was fortunate because the sun was now completely gone. It wasn't a cold night, very far from it. Being wet just made it seem that way.

_Why did she have to bring up Sasuke?_

His thoughts turned to the troubled boy and Naruto traced his steps off the dock and lowered himself onto the cool grass.

What a way to end a perfect day. He started to wish that he too had someplace to be tonight. Anything to distract him from the memories. Naruto had always liked Sasuke, but that's not the only reason he tried so hard to prove his worth to the stuck up boy. He was infuriatingly superior to everyone else. It made Naruto want to knock him down a notch and show him that he wasn't the only capable person on the team. The two grew up in such similar ways. Both alone. Naruto never truly realized how similar they were until that day…

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Flashback to hospital escape…**

Naruto's breath was harsh in his ears, as he bolted to the edge of town with Sasuke under his arm. The solemn boy surprisingly didn't fuss once since they had escaped the hospital until they reached the forest.

"I don't want to be carried." it was the first time Sasuke spoke to anyone several months.

Naruto faltered in step, unsure if he actually heard correctly. _Sasuke spoke?_ Then he put the other boy down. He stood awkwardly for a moment before remembering he still had Sasuke's clothes.

"Naw, these are comfortable enough." Sasuke waved Naruto's hand away when the boy held out the garments. Sasuke was dressed in dark grey cotton pants and a navy blue shirt that seemed to hug him perfectly. "I'll take my shoes though." He added.

Naruto gave them to him, but was unsure what to do with the rest of Sasuke's things. He certainly didn't want to carry them around for the Uchiha like some sort of butler. Fortunately the other boy saw his uncertainty, finished tying his shoes and held out his hand for the rest of his stuff.

"Here" he gestured. Then he tossed the clothes into the bushes and started to walk forward

Naruto blinked. _Well… that's not odd. _He thought sarcastically, wondering if there were any fines for littering your clothing. Shrugging at his friends strange actions he followed after him and fell into step.

Sasuke then reverted back into the mute he'd been so accustomed to being, and Naruto made an effort to make conversation. "Sure is nicer out here than in that stuffy hospital room."

The Uchiha said nothing.

Naruto was wondering why the boy even agreed to be here. The act of taking him from the hospital was completely impulsive. That was Naruto: impulsive. They walked for quite a while in silence, getting deeper and deeper into the forest. Finally Sasuke spoke again.

"You ever think to stop bothering me at the hospital?"

Naruto was hurt, but tried not to show it. "No."

Sasuke stopped walking to look him in the eye. "Why not?"

"Well ... I'm your friend." Naruto said sincerely.

Sasuke seemed to think about that for a moment. "I guess you're my only one."

Then Sasuke did something he'd never done before: he started talking about his life. Naruto was beside himself with amazement as he listened to the other boy pour out his story. Sasuke described his family, his brother, and the way life was before everything was stripped away. He went on to describe the night the sound four were forced to tell him the news; the words which stole away his purpose. How everything has been meaningless since.

Naruto listened with undivided attention. Nothing surprised him more than when Sasuke finished relating the history of his life and asked, "_What about you? What's your story?_"

The afternoon came. They had been walking for about an hour before they came to a clearing. The two looked around. The trees were high and the ground was mainly dirt and grass with few shrubs. They both took in the terrain thinking the same thing. It was a perfect place to train.

"I think we just found our own personal training grounds." Sasuke looked impressed.

"Yeah right," Naruto snickered. "When was the last time you trained?"

Sasuke had given up on almost everything for some time. After the news he still trained but not as hard. Then after he stopped going on missions, he trained even less frequently. After his second trip to the hospital he stopped training entirely.

"Uh … eight months ago." Sasuke answered nonchalantly, he walked toward the center of the clearing and turned to face his comrade. "Naruto. Fight me."

Naruto looked shocked, then a little suspicious. Was this another death wish? "I don't kno-"

"Not like the last time. I'm not trying to fix my ego. Just… fight me."

"Well, alright."

The two engaged in hand to hand combat until the stars came out. Both were panting hard and decided to call it quits. Sasuke fell back onto the cool grass and chuckled, this sent Naruto into a fit of giggles. Uchiha Sasuke laughing was **not** a common sound.

"What are you laughing about?" Sasuke called out.

"You!" Naruto came over and sat a couple feet away from the other, then returned the question. "What the hell are you laughing about?"

Sasuke continued to look up, his chest rising and falling with apparent fatigue. He threw a hand out as if to gesture to the woods. "This."

Naruto looked around puzzled. The training grounds? It was a cool place, but it wasn't amazing or anything. What was Sasuke talking about?

If Sasuke noticed his friend's puzzlement, he didn't show it. "Let's do this again. Tomorrow?"

Naruto's puzzled frown was replaced by a wide grin. "Hell yeah!"

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Naruto, three years and six months later, in the early evening after swimming with Sakura, still lay on the grass pondering what would've happened had he made his move that night. That, or any of the other nights they hung out at their secret training grounds.

_It was six months after that night that Sasuke had left. Maybe, he would've stayed had he known how much I care about him._ This thought made him laugh aloud. _No not Sasuke. He'd probably have left sooner._ But it was nice to dream.

And dream he did. Sasuke under the stars, his jet black hair thrown in all directions after a long day of training. Sitting beside him, waiting for him to look up with that adorable half smile. Then leaning over his body, and…

Naruto slept.

Hours later, the morning sun beat down on Naruto's bare chest. He still lay sleeping by the side of the lake, deep in Sasuke dreams, when something gently pulled at his conscious mind. Someone was talking to him, but he couldn't make it out. He opened his eyes very slightly, mind still ridden with sleep. What came into view knocked the breath out of him_. Sasuke?_ But Naruto was asleep again. Then something shook his shoulder. He groaned … he didn't like having his sleep disturbed. For a second time he opened his eyes grudgingly and, again,Uchiha Sasuke was there kneeling beside him. His mouth was moving but Naruto couldn't hear anything. He hadn't fully woken up yet, and if he closed his eyes again he'd be asleep in that instant. Or was he already asleep? Yes, Sasuke was still there, which meant he was dreaming.

"Nice." He thought to himself. Then reached his hands up running one through the Uchiha's hair and the other curled around his neck and brought his face to his, planting a passionate, loving kiss on the others lips.

These were the dreams he cherished.


End file.
